


Book a toe cool tar on

by Hazazel



Series: Google recognition is messing up [8]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ficlet, M/M, Multi, bokuto doesn't give a damn and maybe you know sometimes he should, future kuroshou because this ship is lovely, poor terushima doesn't deserve this, probably, since apparently drabbles are only 100 words long only??, such dork much fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 17:51:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6967120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazazel/pseuds/Hazazel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>undercut</b>: pay attention to meeee<br/><b>black cat</b>: you're so shameless dude haha<br/><b>undercut</b>: we created the captain chat to coplain so let me coplain !!!</p><p>Or, the Captains have a chat, coplain a lot, and maybe have sane discussions from time to time (who knows).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Book a toe cool tar on

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Yatotoro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yatotoro/gifts).



> Hello ! Another OS in the series made out of the [google recognition post](http://asian-otaku-diaries.tumblr.com/post/142731883922/haikyuu-character-names-as-recognized-by-google) by [Yato](http://asian-otaku-diaries.tumblr.com/) and this time I bring you... the Captains' chat ! Warnings for captains being dork, bad spelling and Oikawa using way too much kaomoji (that I get from [this](http://www.jemoticons.com/en) website, you should check it out, some are... special). I hope you enjoy !

**undercut** : duuu uuuuu uuudes

 **Dadchi** : why is there space between the different parts of the word dude ?

 **black cat** : glad you're not questioning the multiple u we'd be here all day

 **Futakuchi** : Guys, please, type correctly…

 **black cat** : oh come on we don't have time to waste typing with capital letters

 **owls everywhere** : or proper punctuation

 **Dadchi** : at least we're not oikawa

 **Futakuchi** : Yeah, thank god, one is enough.

 **a** **liens** **believe** : what??? （∂△∂；)

 **black cat** : my point exactly

 **undercut** : pay attention to meeee

 **black cat** : you're so shameless dude haha

 **undercut** : we created the captain chat to coplain so let me coplain !!!

 **owls everywhere** : were not even captains anymore is this captain thing STILL a thing???

 **black cat** : bo ???!!! i'm offended

 **black cat** : if bo tries to tell us this complaining chat is not useful i'll seriously disconnect

 **Dadchi** : yeah you're the one that uses it the most

 **owls everywhere** : comoooon dudes ive been quiet these days

 **Dadchi** : hm that's true

 **Dadchi** : maybe you've finally grown up

 **owls everywhere** : SO MEAN DAD

 **undercut** : ohmygod you guys are real life ignoring me even

 **owls everywhere** : um excuse u nby is here is w u irl?

 **undercut** : daishou is AND HE'S IGNORNG ME

 **black cat** : oh yeah i forgot you were rooming with the snake jerk

 **owls everywhere** : we all know u 2 are dating kuroo u can drop the act

 **black cat** : shut uuuup i'm dating yamaguchi !

 **Futakuchi** : I didn't think these were mutually exclusive ?

 **undercut** : OH MY GOD LISTEN TO ME

 **Futakuchi** : It's ok Terushima, you can _coplain_ , we're listening

 **undercut** : fuck youuu

 

_owls everywhere changes the title to coplaining anonymous._

 

 **undercut** : i seriously hate you all omg

 **japan** : What is happening Tarushima ?

 **undercut** : you'd be the nicest if you hadn't completely ruined my name but thanks ushiwaka

 **aliens believe** : hey that's my nickname !!! stop using it (⋋_⋌)

 **undercut** : anyway since someone FINALLY asked, my ex manager got a girlfriend

 **undercut** : i can't believe she got a girlfriend before me

 **Futakuchi** : I think she's dating my manager, congrats to them.

 **Futakuchi** : Former manager, sorry.

 **owls everywhere** : #forever alone

 **black cat** : rip in pieces tarushima

 **undercut** : fuck you guys

 **black cat** : you wish

 **Dadchi** : what a lame flirting technique, you learned nothing, yuuji

 **owls everywhere** : HEY wakatoshi can we go practice this afternoon????

 **owls everywhere** : i got a new volleyball i really wanna try spiking it!!!

 **japan** : I'll join you in half an hour

 **owls everywhere** : AMAZING!!!

 **Dadchi** : by the way kuroo was it you who excluded daishou again ?

 

_Futakuchi added snek to the conversation._

 

 **snek** : My nickname is still as horrible…

 **Futakuchi** : Thank god you're still typing normally !

 **snek** : Why would I stop ?

 **Futakuchi** : Bad influence, these lot.

 **black cat** : hum stop flirting like we're not here maybe ???

 **snek** : Don't be jealous.

 **owls everywhere** : hes totes jealous u should see him hes pouting

 **black cat** : bo don't tell lies

 **black cat** : just get out of my house already

 

_owls everywhere sent a picture_

 

 **undercut** : #truth

 **owls everywhere** : get rekt bro

 **snek** : Touching, Kitty, but I'm still not deleting that picture of you with whiskers.

 **owls everywhere** : ooooomg u have that and u didnt tell us

 **undercut** : weren't we complaining about how i don't have a girlfriend ?

 **owls everywhere** : why arent we complaining at how I DONT HAVE A BF ?

 **Futakuchi** : You broke up with Akaashi ?

 **owls everywhere** : uh yeah like 2 weeks ago

 **black cat** : dude what

 **owls everywhere** : im rly ok so i didnt even think abt telling u guys

 **undercut** : wow

 **undercut** : so bo wasn't kidding about not needing the complaining chat

 **undercut** : the coplaining anonymous wtf futakuchi we're not even anonymous

 **Dadchi** : but are you really ok though ?

 **owls everywhere** : yea!! akaashi came yesterday and painted my nails and we CUDDLED

 **undercut** : um this is weird but if that works for your

 **black cat** : teru

 **black cat** : my boyy

 **black cat** : let me tell you

 **black cat** : akaashi has been mothering bo since his first year in fukurodani

 **black cat** : no break up can break through this

 **aliens believe** : kou-chan if you need more nail polish i have plenty

 **owls everywhere** : thanks but im good !!!

 **aliens believe** : you used the orange one again didn't you

 

_owls everywhere sent a picture_

 

 **aliens believe** : (ノ-_-)ノ~┻━┻

 **owls everywhere** : oh cmon it looks great

 **undercut** : bo join me in the single group

 **owls everywhere** : nope i have practice w wakatoshi see u later guys!!!

 **undercut** : just bury me

 

 

 **owls everywhere** : DUDE I CANT BELIEVE IT

 **undercut** : what ?

 **owls everywhere** : there was some accident last week on my road

 **owls everywhere** : left pretty big dents in the pavement

 **owls everywhere** : so now that i just got back to my room to get my shoes

 **owls everywhere** : _THEY CLOSED THE ROAD TO TARMAC IT BACK_

 **owls everywhere** : _**I CAN** **T** **LEAVE MY HOUSE**_

 **black cat** : poor thing

 **owls everywhere** : o shtup tetsu

 **undercut** : yeah be supportive

 **owls everywhere** : i cant even practice :'(

 **Futakuchi** : Your life is so sad.

 **owls everywhere** : YEAH :( :( :(

 **Futakuchi** : And he's answering seriously. You are unbelievable.

 **japan** : I'm sorry you can't come, Koutarou, we can practice tomorrow

 **owls everywhere** : THANK U!!!!

 **black cat** : so easy to please

 **Dadchi** : like that's not your case

 **snek** : Sawamura, if you knew.

 **black cat** : come say that to my face trash king number 2

 **aliens believe** : i'm still number one ? aw tetsu (*≧∀≦*)

 **Dadchi** : what have you done kuroo

 **Dadchi** : kuroo

 **undercut** : he won't answer, i think daishou ran to his house

 **Futakuchi** : This smells like trouble.

 **Futakuchi** : Can't I talk with someone sane for once ?

 **owls everywhere** : my whole room smells like concrete IM NOT SANE AT ALL

 **Take-naka** : Can you guys please stop the spam ? Today is even worse than usual.

 **Futakuchi** : Takeru ! Save me !

 **owls everywhere** : so dramatic futakuchi

 **undercut** : yeah come on, we provide free drama and you complain

 **Take-naka** : I'm here once a month and they tire me so much.

 **Take-naka** : I admire you, Kenji. What is your secret ?

 **Futakuchi** : Have you seen my first years ?

 **Dadchi** : um excuse you have you seen mine

 **Dadchi** : well now they're all grown up but still

 **Futakuchi** : I agree, Sawamura's were the worst !

 **black cat** : so much energy in such a small body

 **black cat** : also tell daishou to piss off

 **undercut** : daishou, piss off

 **black cat** : fuck you omg

 **undercut** : haha

 **black cat** : it's ok though he left

 **undercut** : no fun

 **Dadchi** : i miss them though

 **undercut** : haha

 **black cat** : nostalgic so soon ?

 **undercut** : wait and see, he'll have hair as grey as Sugawara's

 **black cat** : oooh snap

 **black cat** : at least it was only the first years

 **black cat** : lookin at you bo

 **owls everywhere** : what is this suPPOSED TO MEAN???

 **black cat** : that you were impossible to handle as a third year, you big baby

 **owls everywhere** : MEAN

 **owls everywhere** : k brb trying to see if i can dodge the HORRIBLE TAR INVASION

 

 

 **owls everywhere** : UUUUUUUGH

 **undercut** : so it failed ?

 **owls everywhere** : DUH

 **black cat** : um bo can we talk for a minute

 **owls everywhere** : yeah ???

 **black cat** : wtf are you on about this break up with akaashi

 **owls everywhere** : ??????????

 **black cat** : i texted him because i couldn't believe it

 **owls everywhere** : !!!!!!!!

 **Futakuchi** : I would have too if I had his number, to be honest

 **black cat** : i can't believed you typed that out

 **black cat** : anyway

 **black cat** : he says he's never heard of a break up

 **black cat** : so

 **black cat** : what the hell dude

 **owls everywhere** : wait so were still together????

 **owls everywhere** : ill call him OMG THIS IS SO COOL

 **Futakuchi** : Wow, ignorance is bliss, but this is reaching new heights.

 **undercut** : don't tell me i'm the only single one now

 **Dadchi** : so sorry, yuuji

 **Futakuchi** : Since when am I dating anyone ?

 **black cat** : you and takeru aren't a thing ?

 **Futakuchi** : Stop shipping people, Kuroo.

 **black cat** : not shipping, it's the cold truth, my dear kenji

 **owls everywhere** : AAAAAAH

 **owls everywhere** : IM STILL DATING AKAASHI

 **owls everywhere** : wow im so relieved!!!!!

 **undercut** : congrats, dude

 **owls everywhere** : thanks man!!!!!

 **Futakuchi** : You know how they say you can make diamonds out of coals if you put enough pressure on them ?

 **black cat** : i think i know what you mean futakuchi

 **owls everywhere** : I THINK I LOVE AKAASHI

 **black cat** : #best of luck akaashi 2kFOREVER

 **owls everywhere** : BEST OF LUCK IN UR QUEST FOR A GF TERU !!!!!

 **black cat** : hey you know

 **black cat** : maybe you'd manage to get one if you stopped asking the gayest people on earth for advice ?

 **undercut** : … come to think of it you lot are kind of gay

 **aliens believe** : i heard gay is this about me ? (ŐωŐ _人_ )

 **owls everywhere** : omg are u for real

 **black cat** : seriously you pop up every hour and you manage to be gayer than _sawamura_

 **Dadchi** : tooru even i am not that gay

 **aliens believe** : hehe б _（_ °ε° _）∂_

 **black cat** : ok now can someone tell daishou to fuck off from my window ?

 **owls everywhere** : nah dude, accept the love

 **black cat** : omfg i hate u all

 **undercut** : welcome to the club, kuroo

**Author's Note:**

> \- Save Akaashi 2k16. They only meant something like "We're done doing this totally harmless thing" and spent two weeks thinking they seriously messed up because Bokuto didn't send a single "I love you". They're so stupid I love them ok  
> \- Ushijima went to practice alone and sent snapchats of it. He had such a serious face and all the captions were such sweet things like "You would have enjoyed this spike" or "this made me think of you" that Bokuto ended up crying a little  
> \- Terushima is not /really/ complaining, since he's grey aromantic and sex repulsed and doesn't actually care that much about getting in a relationship, but he likes attention and starting long conversations with his whining (it always works. Takeru came back to 8736 missed messages once and left the chat for two months)  
> \- Oikawa has the kaomojis saved into his autocorrect under stupid nicknames so he can type them faster. Everyone hates him.  
> \- Daishou didn't want to get in the chat at first but he gets on so very well with Futakuchi that Kuroo kind of regrets allowing him in. And then Daishou starts hanging out near his dorms more often and he subtly stops complaining (until Futakuchi learns about it and all hell breaks lose. Yamaguchi suddenly turns into a snark master and Daichi gives the Talk to the chat, making it the most awkward conversation the chat has ever had. Everyone has it saved and quotes it from time to time. Suga never lets Daichi live it down)
> 
> Thank you so much for the views, kudos and comments I had on this series so far ! I'm super glad you like it !


End file.
